It's Almost 2021

 I literally just went back and read through all of my old blog posts and I have to laugh at myself a bit because I am the biggest broken record.  At one point I even set a date for my first podcast to be slated to start Feb. 2019 and here we are like three months away from Feb. 2021 and I have yet to start my podcast. I am a bit of a joke at times. I should just stop with all the talking and just do the shit.  I waste so much time, why do I do that?  I wish I knew and had an answer for you.  I had 7 blog posts in the year 2019 and here I am closing in on number 5 for the year 2020.  Did I mention that I started this Blogger in 2009?  What happened to all the talk about I am going to write more?  I will admit that I have written some poetry this year and what a year it has been!!  Although this year has been complete shit in some ways it also has been one of the best years that has ever happened to me.  It has woken me up from my culture induced coma I'd say I have been in for about 10 years now.  Somewhere along the way I got lost, I lost my truth and what I was meant to do in this life.  In a sense I lost myself.  I'm not made for this world, I don't belong here but yet here I am, I'm here to make a difference although I am still trying to figure out exactly what that is.  Maybe in the year 2021 I will be able to have that answer and maybe I will spend all my time here on Earth searching for it.  I may never find it and right now I'm ok with that.  I may never sell another painting, write that book, publish my poems or start that podcast.  It's humiliating to think about it really but I am working on not letting that get to me so much.  To say, you know what fuck it, I am going to keep doing it because it makes me happy.  If I can't make a living doing it then so be it.  I guess it just is what it is and it wasn't meant for me but don't you ever think that means that I won't stop trying because I won't.  Did I mention I am a hard headed redhead?  Well now you know.  Bring it on 2021, I am ready for the adventures that await me!