I'm a Starseed

I always seem to feel more empty when it starts to get cold and the days are shorter.  I try to find ways to keep it away but there's nothing to really do.  I just end up sitting around feeling blue, writing up a bunch of poetry to get me through.  To top it all off there is an epic lunar eclipse coming late tonight and early tomorrow morning.  I have got to go outside and check it out, you know standing outside and looking at the moon is energizing to me.  I couldn't tell you the amount of times I have gone and meditated under the full moon, wrote and recharged.  The summer months are by far my favorite but even though its chilly outside I am going to get bundled up and go experience this rare occurrence.  Tonight we will have a chance to witness the longest partial lunar eclipse in 580 years.  Don't think by me sayin partial that it is anywhere close to that, this lunar eclipse will be pretty much as close as you can get to a total eclipse.  With more than 97 percent of the full moon cast into a red hue by Earth's shadow.  We saw a total lunar eclipse back in May but this one is going to be special.  

So you know what they say about the moon and how it effects our emotions.  That the Earth's magnetic field has a subtle change durning the moon changes and we are receptive to it.  I am very connected to the moon, I feel so connected to it at times that I feel like its a home away from home.  Like I've spent time there and it understands me.  I have said is time and time again that I don't feel like I belong here, like I am from another place.  I have had dreams about it, dreams about when I die I won't go to heaven or hell I will go back to my home plant, that my soul will never die.  I'm still trying to figure out my mission, my purpose and what I am supposed to do while here on Earth.  The depression is just a result of the feeling that I don't belong here and I am not doing my mission, that all I have to do is figure out what my mission is and it will just go away?  

If your are interested in learning more about starseeds or maybe you feel like you are one too.  Check this link out.

http://typicallytopical.com/what-is-a-starseed/

I'd still write it

Even if you'd never read it, I'd still write it. Writing it out is just a way to save it from exiting out of my poor mouth.  Writing for me is my savior, keeping me from feeling unkind.  It gets bottled up, it may start boiling, spewing out all over the place burning everything that stands in it's way.  

To write for me is like setting a bottled up note out to sea.  Doesn't matter what's written on it just as long as its set free.  Doesn't matter that anyone reads it as long as its set free. 

It doesn't cure the depression, it doesn't cure the unlearned lessons.

It does make it bearable to live in this hell.  The hell of my heart, the hell that's in my mind, the hell that creeps up on me while I was doing just fine.  Somedays I ask myself, why do I have to be this way? Why does the pain have to creep in and try to always stay.  It'll pick a room in my head, unpack all its things and spend hours telling me I'm insane that I am not brave, that I will crash and burn.  That I'm not worth everything I work so hard to earn.

I'm human so they say.  I feel more than that most days. You may not understand it and I can't even begin to explain.  Is that why my brain is broken? Is that why I see all the things they don't say? Is that how I know what the bodies resonate.  Why I can feel what you feel? As if it was my own, I can feel it right down to my very bones.  I know how you feel about me, how my energy effects your energy.  

How can I not feel depressed when I am absorbing all of the worlds distress?