I don't want to be sad

 I don't want to be sad.  I don't ever want to get that bad that I spend my days searching for ways to feel rad.  If you can't make me happy.  I'll secretly wish that you had and then we will go back to just being a fad. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to look back and think about what I had and what I didn't like as if it even made a difference.  If you can't make me happy.  Why the hell are you here? To show me around this place of fear or wish me to death while I miserably  feel all the pain that's inside.  Somedays all I want to do is hide. Tucked away, safe and sound.  Connecting to the ground.  Someday I'll come around. You lack motivation. You lack the ability for sticking around. I don't want to be sad. I want to do the things that I so much desire.  But all I do is hide her. Please someone come find her.