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If you have found your way to this blog, I invite you to find your way to my other social media platforms. They are full of adventure, nature, love, sadness, hope, art, words and it doesn't even end there.  I'll wear my heart out keeping it on my sleeve.  I spent the evening doing a pop up shop with my handmade leather earrings.  I sold a few and in my book these days selling one pair is a win, so with that being said tonight was a big WIN. I want so badly to be an artist full time.  I have got to be patient with myself, my day will come and I will not give up! I have given up so many times, that's not even an option anymore.  Making art makes me happy, it breaths the life back into me when the world has sucked me dry.  I won't let not selling it bring me down.  I say that I still feel down sometimes about it but I won't allow it to win.  I'm on a mission to be an artist full time, nothing is going to stand in my way, nothing is going to stop me this time.  I'm learning to disassociate myself from those feelings as they aren't permanent and I refuse to let them win.  Have you ever come to a place in your life where you are like you know what I am so sick and tired of being a victim.  Telling myself that my arts not good which is why I can't sell it. It's all total BULLSHIT! I'm just playing the victim, poor me. blah. blah. I know what it takes to be successful and playing the victim and saying poor me has not worked out thus far so I'm pretty positive that it's not ever going to work.  I'm now telling myself that my art is worthy of purchase.  I have what it takes.  If you have ever been in a dark place remember, to appreciate the light we must first make peace with the dark.  

FeAr

I'm so scared all the time yet I'm reckless and impulsive.  I want to succeed but I'm too scared to pursue what makes me happy, my passions and my strengths.  I'll just chase that dollar, I'll chase it straight up a tree and then take a peak down when I am almost at the top. I'm not scared of heights but the way I react would make you think otherwise as I then will gradually come down, I'll climb my way back down out of that tree and why you ask? Because of fear.  Thats right I said it, FEAR.  What is it that I am afraid of? It's failing!  I'll half ass it and do ok, just scrape by.  Work myself into the ground trying to do it all.  I have to change my life. I have to change the way I see fear and failure.  I feel at a loss actually because I really have no idea what that even consists of.  Have you ever felt this way? Sometimes I feel all alone in  my heart.  All alone in my soul. All alone is the way that I feel like the world should go.  I don't know how many times I may say this in my life, but its so hard for me to live in this world.  There must be an easier way, one far easier than this.  How do I accept my true self to shine through, how do I make myself happy when I am blue?  I need disciple.  I need to find myself backed into a corner and the only way to get out is to become the original you.  The one who doesn't meet failure with impending doom.  The you that was there before the world got its hands on you.  I'm stuck in this limbo. My dreams take the dollar but the dollar takes my dreams.  Do I continue to let fear win? Do I put in the hard work that its going to take to live the life I have always wanted or will I continue to suffer and hand over my life and my time to a dying world or will I finally make my own? I am asking you these questions as if you'd have the answer but really I just needed to get it off my chest, release it into the wild. To soar through your mind.  To pulse in your heart.  To inspire you to believe there is more to life than feeling like you aren't doing what you're suppose to.  I can't let fear win.  Fear has won too many times already.  I CANNOT LET FEAR WIN!